My American Idol Audition

Thursday morning rolls around, and it's time for my AI audition! I decided to take my mom along since, 1. she paid for just about everything, and 2. she was probably the most excited and proud and I knew she'd be a great cheerleader for me. (And she was, Thanks Momma!)

We woke up around 4:30am, carefully got dressed, hairsprayed helmets to our head (not really, but the SF weather is always foggy and will ruin a great hair-do in no time!), and headed out to meet destiny. Again, we were back in the cattle cars, but this time line placement didn't matter. We had tickets with seat numbers, and the audition order is determined from that. We waited another 3 hours until we finally got into AT&T ballpark and got our seats. That was around 9:30am. Little did I know -- we could have showed up at 9:30 and been perfectly on-time.

Then it's the wait game. We were all in the stands, just like at a regular season game, except this time, there's a huge camera crane and a row of pristine white tents lined up down right field. Nigel, the producer comes out. We scream! Ryan Seacrest comes out. We scream! Bo Bice from the 4th season comes out to do a crowd participation "We Will Rock You." We scream! Well, the stupid ones do. The smart ones, humming and mumbling under their breaths to keep their voices warmed-up, smile and fake it.

Around 11 the first batch of auditioneers make their way to the tents. We cheer for them, and then subsequently are shocked when NONE of them get through. Now, these people supposedly "won" pre-auditions at local cities (there was one here at the mall) for the chance to audition in front of an Idol producer. We at least thought they'd go immediately to the 2nd round. Nope. They all got cut. Hearts sank. If they didn't pick anyone who really won a contest, are we good enough to get picked??

I was sitting in the 6th "section"107, and it took until 2:30pm before we were lining up to sing. By that time, a fair amount of people had gotten through, including the usual ratings-making riff-raff. I'm fairly disillusioned now about the screening process. I get that it's reality TV, but they really do pick more terrible characters than good singers. There are a LOT of great singers who didn't pass through because their "spot" was taken by the Tina Turner twins in gold spandex. A guy who had nothing more than a bunny head going for him got through.

Well, my turn rolls up and I'm standing in line with 3 other people who I've been sitting next to all day. I'm 2nd in the roll. We get sent to tent #9 and as SOON as I see who my judges are, I get an ominous feeling. On my previous research, I came across several people who described this judge to a T -- and nothing good came from her. I'm not even sure she passed anyone through at all! I think tent #9 was a death-tent! She's a blonde, bored, English broad who does not smile and, apparently, hates country western music.

The first girl goes up and sings a fairly nice rendition of At Last. Except that she sings in waaaaay too slow and puts almost no creative flair in it. And the judges have probably heard that song 2000 times already. She sang for probably 45 sec to a min. I'm next. So with a big grin and a "Hihowareya!" I start with Walking After Midnight, which I've practiced and practiced and sing it completely my own way. I'm warmed up; my voice is loose and solid. I sing about 15 seconds, and the damn broad cuts me off. Well, I sure impressed her.

The next two guys have "ok" voices -- good enough for church choir and drunken karaoke (oh wait -- I fit that category too...) -- but I could see why they didn't get through. What irked me the most was how she cut me off, but let these other 3 mediocre singers go on and on and on! I mean, the kid next to me sang the same line over again 4 times. I don't even know what song he was singing, just that it was repetitive and not a very good showcase of his vocal talent, if he had any.

But, I can see why I didn't get through: I'm at the end of their age spectrum, I don't have Celine's voice, and I was probably wearing too much makeup. But damn, I would have like to move on. And most importantly, I'd prayed about this for weeks. I asked God that if He wanted this, then I'd go all the way. But if it wasn't meant to me, if He wanted a different direction for my life, then "don't let me get past the 1st round." I guess he was listening.

And now, I'm listening. What's next, Lord? I need you to show me.