The Delivery
by Julie Malmberg
A young pregnant gal marched into a bar
With the force and brute of a crammed mail-car.
The barman said with pity and fear, "Excuse me,
Ma'am, we don't serve your kind here."
Friday, October 15, 2010
Deemed "Unsafe" for Pregnancy
All the restrictions that are placed on pregnant women for the sake of "safety" are really starting to chaff my thighs. You can't go near a pregnancy site without walking a way a little more fearful of the potential fetal risks associated with the lunch you just consumed. All this fear-mongering is ridiculous!
You may be interested to know that the government refusal to do studies on herbal supplements contributes to the outlook that ALL herbal supplements are considered not safe during pregnancy. In fact, many of them are essential, but since no tests are done, no definitive statements can be made. Meaning -- THEY DON'T KNOW!!
Yesterday, I was given a Go-Girl energy drink. So, I looked up the "dangerous" ingredients and how bad they really were. Basically it boils down to this:
Taurine (800mg): Oh my! That sounds very dangerous! Actually, Taurine is an amino acid naturally present in our bodies. In fact, taurine is one of the most abundant free amino-acid-like compounds found in the heart, the skeletal muscles and the nervous system. It supports neurological development and helps regulate the level of water and mineral salts in the blood. Up to 3,000 milligrams a day of supplemental taurine is considered safe. Any excess taurine is simply excreted by the kidneys.
Garcinia Cambogia (200mg): Basically, this is the main ingredient in curry. Since spicy foods are thought to stimulate contractions and labor, the fear-mongers are really raising their heads. But really, curry and other spicy foods will only bring on labor if you are ready for labor. Basically, it's just another wives-tale, but if there is some merit to it, then GC won't affect you until you are 41 weeks and ready to push.
Inositol (100mg): A fine word for Vitamin B8. Found in yeast, most fruits & vegetables, some nuts, as well as many whole-grains. Helps promote functioning of the muscles, nerves, cell membranes, and fat metabolism in the liver. Proven to prevent neural tube defects (in rats).
Caffeine (100mg): Some people say up to 200mg per day, others 300mg. Either way, this is below the "allowed" amount. I'm safe here.
A Word On Sugar Substitutes
Aspartame: EQUAL & NUTRA SWEET; Commonly found in most Diet Soft-Drinks. When eaten, aspartame is metabolized into its original amino acids. (One exception is moms-to-be who have a genetic disease called phenylketonuria, or PKU. These moms need to avoid aspartame completely because PKU prevents them from breaking down the phenylalanine in their diet.)
Saccharin: SWEET N LOW; It has been shown that saccharine crosses the placenta and takes longer for the baby to process, increasing the risk of bladder problems or even cancer in the baby. This sweetener is not considered to be safe to use during pregnancy. or wait... is it?
Stevia: a plant. That's it, really. It's a group of plants that have "sweet" leaves.
Sucralose: SPLENDA; Made with 95% dextrose and maltodextrin that the body easily processes. The 5% "chlorinated" atoms are extremely stable and would only pose a risk with EXTREME temperatures (that is impossible during normal digestion).
The REAL truth is this:
My take: There are MILLIONS of products and foods that have NOT been tested, therefore cannot be declared 100% safe. It doesn't mean that they are not safe (and in fact, usually are), it just means that a declarative statement cannot be made. Better safe than sorry, is the attitude.
Well, safe yes -- but I'm not going to be running scared adding stress to my body about the ridiculously small chance there might be of harming my baby.
Thank you very much, I'll have my one Go-Girl for the day.
You may be interested to know that the government refusal to do studies on herbal supplements contributes to the outlook that ALL herbal supplements are considered not safe during pregnancy. In fact, many of them are essential, but since no tests are done, no definitive statements can be made. Meaning -- THEY DON'T KNOW!!
Yesterday, I was given a Go-Girl energy drink. So, I looked up the "dangerous" ingredients and how bad they really were. Basically it boils down to this:
Taurine (800mg): Oh my! That sounds very dangerous! Actually, Taurine is an amino acid naturally present in our bodies. In fact, taurine is one of the most abundant free amino-acid-like compounds found in the heart, the skeletal muscles and the nervous system. It supports neurological development and helps regulate the level of water and mineral salts in the blood. Up to 3,000 milligrams a day of supplemental taurine is considered safe. Any excess taurine is simply excreted by the kidneys.
Garcinia Cambogia (200mg): Basically, this is the main ingredient in curry. Since spicy foods are thought to stimulate contractions and labor, the fear-mongers are really raising their heads. But really, curry and other spicy foods will only bring on labor if you are ready for labor. Basically, it's just another wives-tale, but if there is some merit to it, then GC won't affect you until you are 41 weeks and ready to push.
Inositol (100mg): A fine word for Vitamin B8. Found in yeast, most fruits & vegetables, some nuts, as well as many whole-grains. Helps promote functioning of the muscles, nerves, cell membranes, and fat metabolism in the liver. Proven to prevent neural tube defects (in rats).
Caffeine (100mg): Some people say up to 200mg per day, others 300mg. Either way, this is below the "allowed" amount. I'm safe here.
A Word On Sugar Substitutes
Aspartame: EQUAL & NUTRA SWEET; Commonly found in most Diet Soft-Drinks. When eaten, aspartame is metabolized into its original amino acids. (One exception is moms-to-be who have a genetic disease called phenylketonuria, or PKU. These moms need to avoid aspartame completely because PKU prevents them from breaking down the phenylalanine in their diet.)
Saccharin: SWEET N LOW; It has been shown that saccharine crosses the placenta and takes longer for the baby to process, increasing the risk of bladder problems or even cancer in the baby. This sweetener is not considered to be safe to use during pregnancy. or wait... is it?
Hmm.... who to believe??"Saccharin, one of the first artificial sweeteners, is much less common today than it once was. Saccharin has not been shown to cause birth defects.
Animal studies in the 1970s suggested a possible link to bladder cancer, but larger animal studies in the 1990’s didn't find this, and saccharin was later removed from the list of possible cancer-causing agents by the National Institutes of Health.
The National Cancer Institute says there's no scientific evidence that any of the artificial sweeteners approved for use in the United States cause cancer." -- Babycenter.com article by Lori Wolfe, Genetic Councelor
Stevia: a plant. That's it, really. It's a group of plants that have "sweet" leaves.
Sucralose: SPLENDA; Made with 95% dextrose and maltodextrin that the body easily processes. The 5% "chlorinated" atoms are extremely stable and would only pose a risk with EXTREME temperatures (that is impossible during normal digestion).
The REAL truth is this:
"...according to the National Cancer Institute and other health agencies, there's no sound scientific evidence that any of the artificial sweeteners approved for use in the United States cause cancer or other serious health problems. And numerous research studies confirm that artificial sweeteners are generally safe in limited quantities, even for pregnant women. As a result of the newer studies, the warning label for saccharin was dropped." -- www.mayoclinic.comMost "Truth about..." sites are sponsored by special interest groups (i.e. The Sugar Association, an organization representing sugar beet and sugar cane farmers in the United States) that have a monetary interest in scaring you away from sugar substitutes. They could care less about your health.
My take: There are MILLIONS of products and foods that have NOT been tested, therefore cannot be declared 100% safe. It doesn't mean that they are not safe (and in fact, usually are), it just means that a declarative statement cannot be made. Better safe than sorry, is the attitude.
Well, safe yes -- but I'm not going to be running scared adding stress to my body about the ridiculously small chance there might be of harming my baby.
Thank you very much, I'll have my one Go-Girl for the day.
1st Pregnant Post: Unexpectedly Expecting
Well, I'm finally pregnant! Not that I was trying, of course. But I secretly wanted to be pregnant every-other-day. Unfortunately, I took the test on a day I did not want to see a "pregnant" line on my ClearBlueEasy. It was Saturday afternoon; I was about 3 days "late," but I chalked it up to major stress from school and bickering w/ DH. He urged me to take a test, but the only one we had had expired over 2 years ago! I called my BF Jing to tell her I was up for the exam. Later, she told me that she was sitting in her car and it suddenly hit her intuition that I was indeed preggers. She text me immediately, "btw... your preg." At home, DH was anxiously waiting the result. This CBE test is digital (which is pretty amazing), so while it's measuring it blinks with an hour glass.
He's holding the test and says to me, "What happens when it stops blinking?"
Reply: "Then it's got a reading. Why? WHAT DOES IT SAY???"
I snatched the test out of his hands, and in clear easy English, "PREGNANT." I almost fainted. Actually, I started crying. This can't be happening! I was supposed to have a year to prepare for not drinking and staying up till dawn. We were supposed to go to Oktoberfest in Germany in a year and get pregnant then! This is NOT according to my plans!! (And boy do I always have a plan!) I was hysterical; DH was ecstatic.
I called my BF Jing to confirm her all-knowing suspicions. It was her birthday, and since she's actually been trying to conceive for a little while now, it was very bittersweet. It was also my MIL's birthday, so we gave her the news as a present. Everyone was really happy for us. My mom was out shopping for a stove and said, "Well, gosh. I just can't even think about shopping for a stove now!" My dad was at a party, where he announced it to the whole crowd, "I'm going to be a Grandpa again!" That was probably the best part -- telling everyone that we're expecting a baby and seeing/hearing their delighted expressions.
My other BF Mari had to come over for a congrats hug. She took one look at my face and said with all seriousness, "Hey. It's going to be OK. This is a great thing. I'm here every step of the way." Since she's also been through an unexpected pregnancy, I took this to heart. She comes over to feed our dogs on Monday's when we're at school - and when we got home, there was a vase of beautiful flowers, some sparkling apple juice, and a great "congrats" card. She's a gem.
Of course, that weekend we went out and bought 4 pregnancy books, pre-natal vitamins, and I just couldn't get off the internet. I suddenly felt like all the knowledge I had previously read, I couldn't remember any more. This sudden fear that I have no idea what I'm doing is intense.
Then Tuesday rolled around after a weekend of blur and non-focus. My BF Jing was having some similar "symptoms" which she chalked up to PMS. She's never had a regular cycle since I've known her, so we weren't too excited when she was 4 days late. I really pushed her to take a test that night saying how things come in 3's: My co-worker, Me, and her all preg. She kept saying she didn't believe it... but then I got the text: "well, the picture won't send... but that makes 3." I called and screamed through the roof!!! Nothing could make me happier at that moment than hearing that we are BOTH pregnant! We check her "charts" and realize that we are pregnant within ONE DAY of each other. So the Pals are going to have babies at the same time!
So, here we are: Today marks the end of week 5. Our little miracles are growing so fast!
Cute preg thing: Driving home from work I was singing Elton John's "Rocket Man" along with the radio and realized that one day very soon my little baby will be able hear me singing! Totally started to cry.
I thought I knew what I wanted out of life. But it wasn't until now that I see this is really what I wanted. I think the most amazing part right now is realizing that no matter what happens this baby is MINE. Everything could collapse around me and this one thing would never change: I'm this baby's mama. Dear God, Don't let me fuck up.
He's holding the test and says to me, "What happens when it stops blinking?"
Reply: "Then it's got a reading. Why? WHAT DOES IT SAY???"
I snatched the test out of his hands, and in clear easy English, "PREGNANT." I almost fainted. Actually, I started crying. This can't be happening! I was supposed to have a year to prepare for not drinking and staying up till dawn. We were supposed to go to Oktoberfest in Germany in a year and get pregnant then! This is NOT according to my plans!! (And boy do I always have a plan!) I was hysterical; DH was ecstatic.
I called my BF Jing to confirm her all-knowing suspicions. It was her birthday, and since she's actually been trying to conceive for a little while now, it was very bittersweet. It was also my MIL's birthday, so we gave her the news as a present. Everyone was really happy for us. My mom was out shopping for a stove and said, "Well, gosh. I just can't even think about shopping for a stove now!" My dad was at a party, where he announced it to the whole crowd, "I'm going to be a Grandpa again!" That was probably the best part -- telling everyone that we're expecting a baby and seeing/hearing their delighted expressions.
My other BF Mari had to come over for a congrats hug. She took one look at my face and said with all seriousness, "Hey. It's going to be OK. This is a great thing. I'm here every step of the way." Since she's also been through an unexpected pregnancy, I took this to heart. She comes over to feed our dogs on Monday's when we're at school - and when we got home, there was a vase of beautiful flowers, some sparkling apple juice, and a great "congrats" card. She's a gem.
Of course, that weekend we went out and bought 4 pregnancy books, pre-natal vitamins, and I just couldn't get off the internet. I suddenly felt like all the knowledge I had previously read, I couldn't remember any more. This sudden fear that I have no idea what I'm doing is intense.
Then Tuesday rolled around after a weekend of blur and non-focus. My BF Jing was having some similar "symptoms" which she chalked up to PMS. She's never had a regular cycle since I've known her, so we weren't too excited when she was 4 days late. I really pushed her to take a test that night saying how things come in 3's: My co-worker, Me, and her all preg. She kept saying she didn't believe it... but then I got the text: "well, the picture won't send... but that makes 3." I called and screamed through the roof!!! Nothing could make me happier at that moment than hearing that we are BOTH pregnant! We check her "charts" and realize that we are pregnant within ONE DAY of each other. So the Pals are going to have babies at the same time!
So, here we are: Today marks the end of week 5. Our little miracles are growing so fast!
"The neural tube — from which your baby's brain, spinal cord, nerves, and backbone will sprout — is starting to develop in the top layer, called the ectoderm. This layer will also give rise to his skin, hair, nails, mammary and sweat glands, and tooth enamel.We're not experiencing morning sickness yet... but I'm sure that will be coming along shortly. I am however feeling that impulsive rage that some women get. It takes NOTHING to set me off. Last night at the grocery store, a small family was walking down the same aisle as me and their kids were all over the place. Two of the girls practically walked into me - definitely walked too close - and I couldn't stop myself from glaring at them. DH just shook his head. I'm sure there is more of this to come... *ho hum*
His heart and circulatory system begin to form in the middle layer, or mesoderm. (This week, in fact, his tiny heart begins to divide into chambers and beat and pump blood.) The mesoderm will also form your baby's muscles, cartilage, bone, and subcutaneous (under skin) tissue.
The third layer, or endoderm, will house his lungs, intestines, and rudimentary urinary system, as well as his thyroid, liver, and pancreas. In the meantime, the primitive placenta and umbilical cord, which deliver nourishment and oxygen to your baby, are already on the job." -- From BabyCenter.com
Cute preg thing: Driving home from work I was singing Elton John's "Rocket Man" along with the radio and realized that one day very soon my little baby will be able hear me singing! Totally started to cry.
I thought I knew what I wanted out of life. But it wasn't until now that I see this is really what I wanted. I think the most amazing part right now is realizing that no matter what happens this baby is MINE. Everything could collapse around me and this one thing would never change: I'm this baby's mama. Dear God, Don't let me fuck up.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
My American Idol Audition
Thursday morning rolls around, and it's time for my AI audition! I decided to take my mom along since, 1. she paid for just about everything, and 2. she was probably the most excited and proud and I knew she'd be a great cheerleader for me. (And she was, Thanks Momma!)
We woke up around 4:30am, carefully got dressed, hairsprayed helmets to our head (not really, but the SF weather is always foggy and will ruin a great hair-do in no time!), and headed out to meet destiny. Again, we were back in the cattle cars, but this time line placement didn't matter. We had tickets with seat numbers, and the audition order is determined from that. We waited another 3 hours until we finally got into AT&T ballpark and got our seats. That was around 9:30am. Little did I know -- we could have showed up at 9:30 and been perfectly on-time.
Then it's the wait game. We were all in the stands, just like at a regular season game, except this time, there's a huge camera crane and a row of pristine white tents lined up down right field. Nigel, the producer comes out. We scream! Ryan Seacrest comes out. We scream! Bo Bice from the 4th season comes out to do a crowd participation "We Will Rock You." We scream! Well, the stupid ones do. The smart ones, humming and mumbling under their breaths to keep their voices warmed-up, smile and fake it.
Around 11 the first batch of auditioneers make their way to the tents. We cheer for them, and then subsequently are shocked when NONE of them get through. Now, these people supposedly "won" pre-auditions at local cities (there was one here at the mall) for the chance to audition in front of an Idol producer. We at least thought they'd go immediately to the 2nd round. Nope. They all got cut. Hearts sank. If they didn't pick anyone who really won a contest, are we good enough to get picked??
I was sitting in the 6th "section"107, and it took until 2:30pm before we were lining up to sing. By that time, a fair amount of people had gotten through, including the usual ratings-making riff-raff. I'm fairly disillusioned now about the screening process. I get that it's reality TV, but they really do pick more terrible characters than good singers. There are a LOT of great singers who didn't pass through because their "spot" was taken by the Tina Turner twins in gold spandex. A guy who had nothing more than a bunny head going for him got through.
Well, my turn rolls up and I'm standing in line with 3 other people who I've been sitting next to all day. I'm 2nd in the roll. We get sent to tent #9 and as SOON as I see who my judges are, I get an ominous feeling. On my previous research, I came across several people who described this judge to a T -- and nothing good came from her. I'm not even sure she passed anyone through at all! I think tent #9 was a death-tent! She's a blonde, bored, English broad who does not smile and, apparently, hates country western music.
The first girl goes up and sings a fairly nice rendition of At Last. Except that she sings in waaaaay too slow and puts almost no creative flair in it. And the judges have probably heard that song 2000 times already. She sang for probably 45 sec to a min. I'm next. So with a big grin and a "Hihowareya!" I start with Walking After Midnight, which I've practiced and practiced and sing it completely my own way. I'm warmed up; my voice is loose and solid. I sing about 15 seconds, and the damn broad cuts me off. Well, I sure impressed her.
The next two guys have "ok" voices -- good enough for church choir and drunken karaoke (oh wait -- I fit that category too...) -- but I could see why they didn't get through. What irked me the most was how she cut me off, but let these other 3 mediocre singers go on and on and on! I mean, the kid next to me sang the same line over again 4 times. I don't even know what song he was singing, just that it was repetitive and not a very good showcase of his vocal talent, if he had any.
But, I can see why I didn't get through: I'm at the end of their age spectrum, I don't have Celine's voice, and I was probably wearing too much makeup. But damn, I would have like to move on. And most importantly, I'd prayed about this for weeks. I asked God that if He wanted this, then I'd go all the way. But if it wasn't meant to me, if He wanted a different direction for my life, then "don't let me get past the 1st round." I guess he was listening.
And now, I'm listening. What's next, Lord? I need you to show me.
We woke up around 4:30am, carefully got dressed, hairsprayed helmets to our head (not really, but the SF weather is always foggy and will ruin a great hair-do in no time!), and headed out to meet destiny. Again, we were back in the cattle cars, but this time line placement didn't matter. We had tickets with seat numbers, and the audition order is determined from that. We waited another 3 hours until we finally got into AT&T ballpark and got our seats. That was around 9:30am. Little did I know -- we could have showed up at 9:30 and been perfectly on-time.
Then it's the wait game. We were all in the stands, just like at a regular season game, except this time, there's a huge camera crane and a row of pristine white tents lined up down right field. Nigel, the producer comes out. We scream! Ryan Seacrest comes out. We scream! Bo Bice from the 4th season comes out to do a crowd participation "We Will Rock You." We scream! Well, the stupid ones do. The smart ones, humming and mumbling under their breaths to keep their voices warmed-up, smile and fake it.
Around 11 the first batch of auditioneers make their way to the tents. We cheer for them, and then subsequently are shocked when NONE of them get through. Now, these people supposedly "won" pre-auditions at local cities (there was one here at the mall) for the chance to audition in front of an Idol producer. We at least thought they'd go immediately to the 2nd round. Nope. They all got cut. Hearts sank. If they didn't pick anyone who really won a contest, are we good enough to get picked??
I was sitting in the 6th "section"107, and it took until 2:30pm before we were lining up to sing. By that time, a fair amount of people had gotten through, including the usual ratings-making riff-raff. I'm fairly disillusioned now about the screening process. I get that it's reality TV, but they really do pick more terrible characters than good singers. There are a LOT of great singers who didn't pass through because their "spot" was taken by the Tina Turner twins in gold spandex. A guy who had nothing more than a bunny head going for him got through.
Well, my turn rolls up and I'm standing in line with 3 other people who I've been sitting next to all day. I'm 2nd in the roll. We get sent to tent #9 and as SOON as I see who my judges are, I get an ominous feeling. On my previous research, I came across several people who described this judge to a T -- and nothing good came from her. I'm not even sure she passed anyone through at all! I think tent #9 was a death-tent! She's a blonde, bored, English broad who does not smile and, apparently, hates country western music.
The first girl goes up and sings a fairly nice rendition of At Last. Except that she sings in waaaaay too slow and puts almost no creative flair in it. And the judges have probably heard that song 2000 times already. She sang for probably 45 sec to a min. I'm next. So with a big grin and a "Hihowareya!" I start with Walking After Midnight, which I've practiced and practiced and sing it completely my own way. I'm warmed up; my voice is loose and solid. I sing about 15 seconds, and the damn broad cuts me off. Well, I sure impressed her.
The next two guys have "ok" voices -- good enough for church choir and drunken karaoke (oh wait -- I fit that category too...) -- but I could see why they didn't get through. What irked me the most was how she cut me off, but let these other 3 mediocre singers go on and on and on! I mean, the kid next to me sang the same line over again 4 times. I don't even know what song he was singing, just that it was repetitive and not a very good showcase of his vocal talent, if he had any.
But, I can see why I didn't get through: I'm at the end of their age spectrum, I don't have Celine's voice, and I was probably wearing too much makeup. But damn, I would have like to move on. And most importantly, I'd prayed about this for weeks. I asked God that if He wanted this, then I'd go all the way. But if it wasn't meant to me, if He wanted a different direction for my life, then "don't let me get past the 1st round." I guess he was listening.
And now, I'm listening. What's next, Lord? I need you to show me.
What's the deal with American Idol?
So my dreams of becoming the next rock-icon have been dashed! I was not chosen to continue on to the next level of auditions. (Which shouldn't be called auditions.... they should be called "screens.") But -- it was interesting.
It started Tuesday morning, waking up in SanFran at 5am with my mom (who graciously paid for our hotel stay two nights, along with singing lessons, tolls, parking... she's a saint!). It was super cold and foggy when we arrived around 6:30, and we were already near the back of the several thousand-person-long line. There must have been 8,000 people ahead of us.
Into the cattle cars we were driven. Each sectioned off area held roughly 500 people, and as the line progressed, the section would be cleared out and closed off before the next section was allowed to move forward. People were singing (badly), playing guitar, reading (me), and generally showing off before the informal camera crew roaming the masses. I (probably unwisely) kept my head down, while my mom chatted up every neighbor near us. She's very social.
It took about 3 hours but finally we got our wristbands! I got a snotty girl who asked me, "Wait, how old are you?".... Really?? "Oh, I'm 27." Hm.
Next.... on to the real audition!
It started Tuesday morning, waking up in SanFran at 5am with my mom (who graciously paid for our hotel stay two nights, along with singing lessons, tolls, parking... she's a saint!). It was super cold and foggy when we arrived around 6:30, and we were already near the back of the several thousand-person-long line. There must have been 8,000 people ahead of us.
Into the cattle cars we were driven. Each sectioned off area held roughly 500 people, and as the line progressed, the section would be cleared out and closed off before the next section was allowed to move forward. People were singing (badly), playing guitar, reading (me), and generally showing off before the informal camera crew roaming the masses. I (probably unwisely) kept my head down, while my mom chatted up every neighbor near us. She's very social.
It took about 3 hours but finally we got our wristbands! I got a snotty girl who asked me, "Wait, how old are you?".... Really?? "Oh, I'm 27." Hm.
Next.... on to the real audition!
The White Rabbit Syndrome
So, I am always late. I don't want to be this kind of person, especially since my very punctual former-Army Sgt. husband hates it when we're late, but I've decided I'm going to name it a syndrome and say that I "suffer."
Some people are late for appointments, dinner, work, deadlines -- I have the added bonus of being late for life. I am the queen of belated birthday cards, belated wedding and baby gifts, belated homework, belated everything. I just realized that I have four wedding gifts to buy, at least 2 new baby gifts, and half a dozen birthday wishes still to acquire and pass out. I'm terrible. And it's not that I forgot, and it's not that they aren't a priority, it's that I genuinely ran out of time! Or at least, that's what I've been consoling my horrible guilt with.
I LOVE my friends and family (who doesn't, right?) but I think I am rebelling against the obligatory gifts and cards by doing nothing. You know what I want for my birthday from my family??? Dinner out. That's it. Just dinner out - and I'll even pay my share! I don't want trinkets (although they are usually really, really cute!) and I don't want clothes (God forbid!). I wish I could do the same for my friends & family who I "owe" gifts, because I'm not going to spend hours and hours of time that I don't have crafting something that even I'd probably throw away.
I can make plans, but the gifts are adding up and Christmas is a blink away, and I'm starting to resent the "gift" column in my yearly budget.
This year, people are getting coupon books.
Some people are late for appointments, dinner, work, deadlines -- I have the added bonus of being late for life. I am the queen of belated birthday cards, belated wedding and baby gifts, belated homework, belated everything. I just realized that I have four wedding gifts to buy, at least 2 new baby gifts, and half a dozen birthday wishes still to acquire and pass out. I'm terrible. And it's not that I forgot, and it's not that they aren't a priority, it's that I genuinely ran out of time! Or at least, that's what I've been consoling my horrible guilt with.
I LOVE my friends and family (who doesn't, right?) but I think I am rebelling against the obligatory gifts and cards by doing nothing. You know what I want for my birthday from my family??? Dinner out. That's it. Just dinner out - and I'll even pay my share! I don't want trinkets (although they are usually really, really cute!) and I don't want clothes (God forbid!). I wish I could do the same for my friends & family who I "owe" gifts, because I'm not going to spend hours and hours of time that I don't have crafting something that even I'd probably throw away.
I can make plans, but the gifts are adding up and Christmas is a blink away, and I'm starting to resent the "gift" column in my yearly budget.
This year, people are getting coupon books.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Since When Did You Get Talent??
Well, I'm officially on the 1 week countdown to my AI audition. Yup, that's right. It's interesting some of the responses I've gotten (which is why I'm not wearing a T-shirt announcing it to the world). Well-intentioned, I'm sure, but "Since when did you get talent?" probably sounded better in your head.
The reality is that I've been singing for years. Decades really. I started doing community theatre when I was 8 or 9 and continued that out of high school. I stopped because the demands of an education and work consumed my time, but I always figured I'd get back into it after I graduated. And let's not forget all the karaoke nights which only a small handful of friends have actually witnessed. Not to sound arrogant, but if I didn't think I could do it, I wouldn't.
To be fair, MOST people I talk to are uber-supportive. My dad didn't even question it, just said, "OK! When are we doing this?" My family and friends are thrilled I'm even putting myself out there. With rare exceptions, it's a very positive feeling! I joined up with a great vocal coach who has been helping me fix some common mistakes and she is pretty jazzed about my sound also.
All in all, I'm getting more excited. I have to believe that this IS happening; that I am going to get on the show and win. Otherwise, I might as well not even bother.
Oh, and if you're wondering what I'll be singing: Patsy Cline's "Walking After Midnight"
The reality is that I've been singing for years. Decades really. I started doing community theatre when I was 8 or 9 and continued that out of high school. I stopped because the demands of an education and work consumed my time, but I always figured I'd get back into it after I graduated. And let's not forget all the karaoke nights which only a small handful of friends have actually witnessed. Not to sound arrogant, but if I didn't think I could do it, I wouldn't.
To be fair, MOST people I talk to are uber-supportive. My dad didn't even question it, just said, "OK! When are we doing this?" My family and friends are thrilled I'm even putting myself out there. With rare exceptions, it's a very positive feeling! I joined up with a great vocal coach who has been helping me fix some common mistakes and she is pretty jazzed about my sound also.
All in all, I'm getting more excited. I have to believe that this IS happening; that I am going to get on the show and win. Otherwise, I might as well not even bother.
Oh, and if you're wondering what I'll be singing: Patsy Cline's "Walking After Midnight"
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
"So... what have you been up to lately?"
My genius coiffeur has been a friend of mine since 8th grade, and she informed me that our HS Alma Matter has planned the 10-year reunion. The same people that brought you embarrassment, disillusionment, insecurity, and a general feeling of loathing toward your formative teen years will now present the adult version of High School that is guaranteed to bring up all those dusty feelings of hatred and jealousy toward your fellow school chum. Not to sound cliche cynical, but I really don't want to spend $50 on an evening rehashing the major points of my last 10 years to people who just don't give a shit. (Funny, because I'll do that right here in a minute...) I'm no where near my weight 10 years (hell, even 5 years ago), still don't have my BA, no kids, I'm not in any kind of career, and the things I'm taking steps to do sound like rainbow and unicorn fantasies.
I'm definitely NOT going -- but it's got me thinking about:
1. Why have I been doing the last decade?
and
2. Why don't I have an answer when someone asks me what I've been doing, lately?
I was recently at a good friend's grad party and realized I had very little to say when people I've known for years asked me what I've been doing lately. I just have no answers.
I mean, I graduated in 2000. I immediately enrolled in Community College and shortly thereafter started working for an optometrist -- where I stayed in both places for 4 years. I earned 3 AA's that mean a lot to my sense of accomplishment, but not a whole lot to the world at large. I had already changed my major from Engineering (yeah... no surprise there, right) to French and was itching to live abroad. So, I quit both the Dr. and CC and worked as a cocktail waitress at a casino where I made $$BANK$$! Paid off my debt, save a little, met my future husband, and applied for an assistant-ship program through the French Ministry of Education. I got accepted, went to France where I lived and traveled for 10+ months. My man came over after 2 months, proposed, went home, came back 2 months later and stayed and traveled with me for the next six months. We bought a car on eBay for 300 euros, drove 14,000 miles through 11 different countries, and ultimately our lives were changed. (I'll have to post sometime about my experiences there -- it was pretty amazing, and I highly recommend it.) It was the summer of 2006. Everything thus far in my life is divided "before" or "after" France.
Coming home, I decided to go something "practical" so I joined back up at the CC to study accounting while getting a temp-perm position as a receptionist for a sales office. After completing all the pre-business requirements, I transferred back to CSU (I'd gone previously, withdrawn, gone back... nothing really accomplished) and started the business program. With two+ years left to finish, I changed my major again to English. It only took 9 years, but I finally figured out where my educational passion lays. Teaching, editing, writing... whatever. I have a passion for literature and writing and now film. Not very "practical" but if it's the path I'm supposed to be on, then it will work out - so I'm told.
On the personal side, my fiance and I were engaged for over two years because we were both converting to Catholicism. Yup, people actually DO join the Catholic church, not just fall away from it. I was very zealous for the first couple years. I lost friends, estranged family, and probably gave the world a very bad taste of Christians - as most zealous hypocrites do. I had to really learn to curb what I say and change how I view the world. Not everything can be categorized right/wrong. I'm a firm believer that binary opposition leaves out a world of possibility. I'm still a traditional Vatican-Catholic, but I haven't been to Mass since Easter and know I'm in a deep need of confession. What stops me is that I'm not particularly spiritual as logical about my faith (doesn't that sound contradictory). Logically, the Catholic church has been presented to me in a way that IF there is God - then Catholicism is the fullness of that Truth. Miracles, acts of faith, prayer -- these have all been "proof" to me that God exists and the Church is Truth. Faith, however, is low. Maybe I've hit a spiritual desert. Maybe I just need to start praying more.
For two years, I planned my big Catholic wedding (which was awesome and a HUGE blast!), went to school full-time, worked full-time, and my fiance and I lived with my parents. Our honeymoon was a Euro cruise and 4 nights in Rome. In 2008, after the wedding, we bought a house, settled into home-ownership. Bought a dog -- a GORGEOUS Irish Setter named Lady. Both of us changed majors to English. We joined a couple wine clubs. And have spent the last two years going to and being in all the weddings of our other friends. We're just at that age. Kids are next, but we're waiting until after graduation when we come back from our 3rd Euro trip for Oktoberfest 2011.
But what have I been doing lately??
Well, got on the Paleo kick and started Intermittent Fasting. Went into therapy to iron out past wrinkles. I'm in a film class for the summer. I'm 6 classes from finally getting my BA. We "adopted" Chess -- a wonderful long-haired Chihuahua from my Aunt. I'm over the love-affair with my job but feel obligated to stay.
Basically, I'm "waiting" for the next phase of my life to happen. In the mean time, I'm enjoying my Adult Beverages, cursing my gardening/home-maintenance attempts, loving and fighting with my husband, and visiting family and friends every chance I get. I'm also practicing for my American Idol audition every morning in the shower. Maybe I'll memorize that last sentence and tell people that. Or maybe I'll just keep answering, "Oh nothing much. Just work and school, as usual."
I'm definitely NOT going -- but it's got me thinking about:
1. Why have I been doing the last decade?
and
2. Why don't I have an answer when someone asks me what I've been doing, lately?
I was recently at a good friend's grad party and realized I had very little to say when people I've known for years asked me what I've been doing lately. I just have no answers.
I mean, I graduated in 2000. I immediately enrolled in Community College and shortly thereafter started working for an optometrist -- where I stayed in both places for 4 years. I earned 3 AA's that mean a lot to my sense of accomplishment, but not a whole lot to the world at large. I had already changed my major from Engineering (yeah... no surprise there, right) to French and was itching to live abroad. So, I quit both the Dr. and CC and worked as a cocktail waitress at a casino where I made $$BANK$$! Paid off my debt, save a little, met my future husband, and applied for an assistant-ship program through the French Ministry of Education. I got accepted, went to France where I lived and traveled for 10+ months. My man came over after 2 months, proposed, went home, came back 2 months later and stayed and traveled with me for the next six months. We bought a car on eBay for 300 euros, drove 14,000 miles through 11 different countries, and ultimately our lives were changed. (I'll have to post sometime about my experiences there -- it was pretty amazing, and I highly recommend it.) It was the summer of 2006. Everything thus far in my life is divided "before" or "after" France.
Coming home, I decided to go something "practical" so I joined back up at the CC to study accounting while getting a temp-perm position as a receptionist for a sales office. After completing all the pre-business requirements, I transferred back to CSU (I'd gone previously, withdrawn, gone back... nothing really accomplished) and started the business program. With two+ years left to finish, I changed my major again to English. It only took 9 years, but I finally figured out where my educational passion lays. Teaching, editing, writing... whatever. I have a passion for literature and writing and now film. Not very "practical" but if it's the path I'm supposed to be on, then it will work out - so I'm told.
On the personal side, my fiance and I were engaged for over two years because we were both converting to Catholicism. Yup, people actually DO join the Catholic church, not just fall away from it. I was very zealous for the first couple years. I lost friends, estranged family, and probably gave the world a very bad taste of Christians - as most zealous hypocrites do. I had to really learn to curb what I say and change how I view the world. Not everything can be categorized right/wrong. I'm a firm believer that binary opposition leaves out a world of possibility. I'm still a traditional Vatican-Catholic, but I haven't been to Mass since Easter and know I'm in a deep need of confession. What stops me is that I'm not particularly spiritual as logical about my faith (doesn't that sound contradictory). Logically, the Catholic church has been presented to me in a way that IF there is God - then Catholicism is the fullness of that Truth. Miracles, acts of faith, prayer -- these have all been "proof" to me that God exists and the Church is Truth. Faith, however, is low. Maybe I've hit a spiritual desert. Maybe I just need to start praying more.
For two years, I planned my big Catholic wedding (which was awesome and a HUGE blast!), went to school full-time, worked full-time, and my fiance and I lived with my parents. Our honeymoon was a Euro cruise and 4 nights in Rome. In 2008, after the wedding, we bought a house, settled into home-ownership. Bought a dog -- a GORGEOUS Irish Setter named Lady. Both of us changed majors to English. We joined a couple wine clubs. And have spent the last two years going to and being in all the weddings of our other friends. We're just at that age. Kids are next, but we're waiting until after graduation when we come back from our 3rd Euro trip for Oktoberfest 2011.
But what have I been doing lately??
Well, got on the Paleo kick and started Intermittent Fasting. Went into therapy to iron out past wrinkles. I'm in a film class for the summer. I'm 6 classes from finally getting my BA. We "adopted" Chess -- a wonderful long-haired Chihuahua from my Aunt. I'm over the love-affair with my job but feel obligated to stay.
Basically, I'm "waiting" for the next phase of my life to happen. In the mean time, I'm enjoying my Adult Beverages, cursing my gardening/home-maintenance attempts, loving and fighting with my husband, and visiting family and friends every chance I get. I'm also practicing for my American Idol audition every morning in the shower. Maybe I'll memorize that last sentence and tell people that. Or maybe I'll just keep answering, "Oh nothing much. Just work and school, as usual."
Intermittent Fasting -- The beginning
A few weeks ago I *discovered* Intermittent Fasting (IF) as a way to control insulin levels, lower the risk of heart disease, and improve upon general health. I saw it as a practical way to reduce calorie intake and jump start my weight loss.
I started this experiment at 175 lbs, three weeks ago (June 15th). Yikes! This is by far the heaviest I've ever been (5ft 7) and my size 14 jeans were growing uncomfortably smaller. I decided that I'm not going to wear a 16 -- that's my catalyst for change.
I started by accident really: I had eaten a sandwich Tues @ 2pm, and when Wednesday 10am rolled around -- I realized I hadn't eaten anything in 20 hours. Excited by the thought, I decided to wait until 2pm to eat again. This I ate over the next 24 hours until 2pm Thurs, then fasted until 2pm Friday. I'm not going to say it was a breeze, but it was MUCH easier than I thought it would be. On my fast mornings, I'd have my usual coffee (low fat creamer, no sugar and I'd drink LOTS of water. Each time I felt a hunger growl, I'd get up and get another glass of water. That first week I shed a lot of water weight, since I'm normally perpetually dehydrated. (I enjoy an Adult Beverage with frequency.)
When it came time to break the fast, I had read on Mark's Daily Apple and on "Free The Animal" that high protein can help to slow the body's breakdown of carbohydrates into sugars. Also, high carb diets tend to make us crave more carbs and sugars. These blogs focus on the Primal/Paleo diets, and while I think the science supports their claims, I just can't imagine my life with out beer, pasta, and rice. Sorry. But I do love the ideas behind it.
Speaking of beer... that first week on my fast days, I didn't drink any Adult Beverages (ABs) because I had school from 6 - 10pm after my 9 hours work day. Normally, I'm a get home, get into PJ's, grab a glass of something and plop down. I have an extreme aversion to exercise, which explains why I'm 30 lbs. overweight. But I'm a drinker, and I'm not going to stop that 'till pregnancy becomes a realistic goal. And booze + exercise = puke in my mouth (which I avoid at ALL costs). In the mean time, even when I fast I'll usually have a drink or two. I notice that it does increase my appetite, so I've got to watch out for that, but I become a real cheap date, and can actually share the 12-pack in the fridge with my husband. (Kidding...)
That first day I spent about 5 hours learning all about fasting for health, metabolic rates, cleansing and re-setting the body. In an article explaining the "Biochemistry of Fasting" by Ralph Cinque D.C., "After eight to ten hours one-half of muscle fuel is from fatty acids." So, the longer we can go after 10 hours -- say another 14 hours -- the more fat stores will be broken down and converted and burned. BTW - this is an outstanding article on fasting for health. He is essentially talking about a week long fast, but the information applies to the 24-hour or Alternative Day Fast (ADF).
However, the body will begin to breakdown muscle also. This is why breaking the fast with high protein is essential. I'm a HUGE fan of beef jerky (yeah, yeah I know store-bought has lots of sugar, but it's low calorie, low fat, high protein, and DELICIOUS). Some jerky and then a peanut-butter snack!
Some other aspects I've discovered:
1. I'm not "addicted" to food. I don't think about it as often. I don't crave it as often. And on days when I do eat, I eat when I'm hungry -- and I don't over-eat (since my stomach has "shrunk").
2. The psychological effect also is that I'm more conscientious of what I am eating and doing. After three weeks of IF, I'm more inclined to go for a walk and I've entertained the notion of some yoga and weight training. (When I actually pick up a weight, I'll let you know....)
I've heard that you can "break" a carb craving after 3 weeks of a high-protein diet, and right at the end there, I snapped and fell into a carb frenzy. So, here's the breakdown of weight:
Week one, started @ 175.xx lbs.
Week two, started @ 171.4 lbs.
Week three, started @ 169.4 lbs. (SUPER excited here!! Very noticeable to my friends/family.)
Week four (today) -- 174.5 lbs.
WOAH! What happened? Well, I only fasted twice last week, while I've been pretty diligent about ADF previously. I've been boozing it up pretty heavy for the last 10 days: Wine pairing party w/ friends, graduation party, a "good" Friday night, trip to Reno... And of course, when I'm hung as f*** fasting is the last thing I'm thinking about. So, dehydrated, carb pig-out, retaining water -- yeah... two steps forward, 1.5 back.
I know that a whole lot of water will help get rid of the dehydration effects, and getting back on the IF consistently will get me right back where I want to be. Even though I haven't gotten down to a size 12 jeans, and I'm convinced that I'm not entirely back to square one. The mental part has changed and that's always the most important step.
I started this experiment at 175 lbs, three weeks ago (June 15th). Yikes! This is by far the heaviest I've ever been (5ft 7) and my size 14 jeans were growing uncomfortably smaller. I decided that I'm not going to wear a 16 -- that's my catalyst for change.
I started by accident really: I had eaten a sandwich Tues @ 2pm, and when Wednesday 10am rolled around -- I realized I hadn't eaten anything in 20 hours. Excited by the thought, I decided to wait until 2pm to eat again. This I ate over the next 24 hours until 2pm Thurs, then fasted until 2pm Friday. I'm not going to say it was a breeze, but it was MUCH easier than I thought it would be. On my fast mornings, I'd have my usual coffee (low fat creamer, no sugar and I'd drink LOTS of water. Each time I felt a hunger growl, I'd get up and get another glass of water. That first week I shed a lot of water weight, since I'm normally perpetually dehydrated. (I enjoy an Adult Beverage with frequency.)
When it came time to break the fast, I had read on Mark's Daily Apple and on "Free The Animal" that high protein can help to slow the body's breakdown of carbohydrates into sugars. Also, high carb diets tend to make us crave more carbs and sugars. These blogs focus on the Primal/Paleo diets, and while I think the science supports their claims, I just can't imagine my life with out beer, pasta, and rice. Sorry. But I do love the ideas behind it.
Speaking of beer... that first week on my fast days, I didn't drink any Adult Beverages (ABs) because I had school from 6 - 10pm after my 9 hours work day. Normally, I'm a get home, get into PJ's, grab a glass of something and plop down. I have an extreme aversion to exercise, which explains why I'm 30 lbs. overweight. But I'm a drinker, and I'm not going to stop that 'till pregnancy becomes a realistic goal. And booze + exercise = puke in my mouth (which I avoid at ALL costs). In the mean time, even when I fast I'll usually have a drink or two. I notice that it does increase my appetite, so I've got to watch out for that, but I become a real cheap date, and can actually share the 12-pack in the fridge with my husband. (Kidding...)
That first day I spent about 5 hours learning all about fasting for health, metabolic rates, cleansing and re-setting the body. In an article explaining the "Biochemistry of Fasting" by Ralph Cinque D.C., "After eight to ten hours one-half of muscle fuel is from fatty acids." So, the longer we can go after 10 hours -- say another 14 hours -- the more fat stores will be broken down and converted and burned. BTW - this is an outstanding article on fasting for health. He is essentially talking about a week long fast, but the information applies to the 24-hour or Alternative Day Fast (ADF).
However, the body will begin to breakdown muscle also. This is why breaking the fast with high protein is essential. I'm a HUGE fan of beef jerky (yeah, yeah I know store-bought has lots of sugar, but it's low calorie, low fat, high protein, and DELICIOUS). Some jerky and then a peanut-butter snack!
Some other aspects I've discovered:
1. I'm not "addicted" to food. I don't think about it as often. I don't crave it as often. And on days when I do eat, I eat when I'm hungry -- and I don't over-eat (since my stomach has "shrunk").
2. The psychological effect also is that I'm more conscientious of what I am eating and doing. After three weeks of IF, I'm more inclined to go for a walk and I've entertained the notion of some yoga and weight training. (When I actually pick up a weight, I'll let you know....)
I've heard that you can "break" a carb craving after 3 weeks of a high-protein diet, and right at the end there, I snapped and fell into a carb frenzy. So, here's the breakdown of weight:
Week one, started @ 175.xx lbs.
Week two, started @ 171.4 lbs.
Week three, started @ 169.4 lbs. (SUPER excited here!! Very noticeable to my friends/family.)
Week four (today) -- 174.5 lbs.
WOAH! What happened? Well, I only fasted twice last week, while I've been pretty diligent about ADF previously. I've been boozing it up pretty heavy for the last 10 days: Wine pairing party w/ friends, graduation party, a "good" Friday night, trip to Reno... And of course, when I'm hung as f*** fasting is the last thing I'm thinking about. So, dehydrated, carb pig-out, retaining water -- yeah... two steps forward, 1.5 back.
I know that a whole lot of water will help get rid of the dehydration effects, and getting back on the IF consistently will get me right back where I want to be. Even though I haven't gotten down to a size 12 jeans, and I'm convinced that I'm not entirely back to square one. The mental part has changed and that's always the most important step.
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